Thirty

I recently found myself flung across the threshold of my twenties and into a whole new decade of my life.

Here it is: Thirty.

It’s something I have been mentally building towards for a while, looking forward to the change and the opportunity that comes with a fresh start, a clean slate. Dreading getting older hasn’t ever really been a feeling I have connected with, as I personally see each new year of life as a chance to build on my wisdom and experiences and get a little bit closer to who I was truly born to be. The only reason I say I felt ‘flung’ over the finish line is because the last 18 months leading up to this moment amidst a global crisis haven’t exactly involved the things I had imagined spending the final years of my twenties doing...

So I find myself now, ready for the fresh start but feeling a little bit rushed into it. I feel like maybe that’s just life, though… how often do we find ourselves presented with things exactly at the moment where we feel ready to deal with them? Rarely, if at all. Usually opportunities are thrust upon us before we feel ready and we just figure out how to cope as we go. As it turns out, I don’t actually think I needed to do all the things I had planned to do in order to be ready to start a new decade of my life. In fact, not being able to have the build up I was expecting has reminded me of a valuable lesson I’ve learned over the past 8 years of my yoga journey; no matter what we try to do to slow the hands of time, it really doesn’t work that way. Time keeps on pressing on. The past year hasn’t been ‘cancelled’; it’s certainly been different, maybe slower, less busy… But the time has still passed.

In the words of one of my favourite readings:

“Let us not attempt to hang on to those moments we wish we could do over.

If we stand in the middle of a river and do everything we can to keep a cup full of water from rushing along on its journey downstream, the very best we’ll be able to do is to keep a minute amount of water in kind of the same place for an infinitesimal amount of time.

Water was meant to flow downstream.

Time is meant to flow forwards.

How we as human beings deal with the certainty of that flow will powerfully impact how useful and beautiful the overall river is to us.” ~ Unknown

So, the clock is still ticking and time only ever moves forward. Even if I feel rushed into the next phase of my life, I am still ready to embrace it. But before I move forwards, this feels like the right time to reflect back on what has been.

Over the past ten years, I have overcome some huge obstacles in my life, learned some hard lessons, confronted some deep inner demons and battled with self-confidence, particularly in my relationship with my own body. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve laughed until my ribs hurt. I’ve danced. I’ve cried. I’ve travelled. I’ve learned. I’ve worked myself into the ground. I’ve been both the most downtrodden and ill I’ve ever been and the healthiest and happiest, too. I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve moved across the world for love, and I have been single too. I have entered into the most significant and beautiful relationship of my life: the one I have with myself. I have found Yoga. I have learned how to let go. I have lost everything, picked up the pieces and learned how to start rebuilding again.

Now rather than staying looking at my reflection in the water for too long or dwelling on things I could have done differently, I’m going to pick a spot that looks good and dive headfirst into the water.

Come at me thirties - I’m ready for you!